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3 thoughts on “I’m the Martha”

1. My wife tends to be the Martha. She is much better at the behind the scenes stuff than I ever could hope to be. I admire the Marthas of the world because they have so much strength, especially when they have to put up with people like me.

2. I think you’re a lot like me … and better “vocalize” by writing rather than speaking. I totally understand where you’re coming from and how it feels. I was just reading an article on this …

   … how often we take things personally when a person’s words and actions are not really directed at us personally. How often do we become short tempered or frustrated by things and it comes across in our words or actions at the people we encounter when it really has NOTHING to do with them. Sometimes we are so buried in our own thoughts, problems, and struggles that we don’t even realized we are being abrupt or curt with others until we do actually take a step back (or someone brings it to our attention). This is part of what the article said:

   “reactions to personal offenses are often emotional. A person may feel anger, a sense of betrayal, the desire for justice… Emotional responses to real or supposed offenses can be very strong…giving yourself time to calm down and view the situation more dispassionately may help you…

   Try to determine why you are upset. Is it because you have been treated unfairly, perhaps discourteously? Or is it because you feel that the other person deliberately attempted to hurt you? Was his or her action really so bad? Analyzing and understanding the reason for your reaction will allow you to consider what would be the best and proper response. Such reasoning may help you to be more objective…

   …take a moment to analyze matters … we can lessen anger, disappointment, and other negative emotions with understanding, open-mindedness, and a willingness to forgive. “Do not hurry yourself in your spirit to become offended,” says Ecclesiastes 7:9 … Do not take things so personally. On many occasions, what may be thought of as a deliberate personal offense is nothing of the sort; it is just a result of imperfection or a misunderstanding. Try to be open-minded regarding what seem to be unkind acts or words, and be willing to forgive out of love. You will be happier if you succeed.”

   The article also acknowledged that this “is easier said than done”, yet worth the effort.

   We can berate ourselves and feel miserable or we can acknowledge that we have done our best and can’t please everyone (much as we would love to!). We can step back and acknowledge that maybe “someone is having a bad day” … sadly some people ARE miserable and try to make everyone else miserable too. We can choose to give them our sympathies without letting them rob us of our joy.

   I struggle with this – sometimes from both sides. That’s why this article struck a cord with me. It seems so easy to become angry and cynical when surrounded by idiots, yet doing so robs you of your joy and you’re suddenly finding yourself heading down to their level.

   I’m going to try to me more mindful … more open-minded … more patient … more forgiving … and forgetful 🙂 I’m going to try to enjoy every moment as much as I can … with whoever I can … and those that have a problem with my best efforts can either offer to help me or move on.

   Choose to accept your limitations and what you do/don’t have control over. Continue to do the best you can. Try not to ruminate. Keep your sense of humor – let it rescue you in troublesome times. Breathe and enjoy. You’ll find there are a LOT more who like you for who you are than otherwise.

3. Most the complaints are about the Mary. The partner, the staff, whoever is public-facing at that moment in time is the Mary. The main complaint: Mary was rude. She was short and grumpy.

   In six years, there’s been two online customer service complaints specifically directed toward me; one I remember, which the fellow came in with attitude and there was nothing I could do to smooth his visit. Another, I don’t recall because I was busy in-out of the office and was relying on the on-duty beer clerk to do the greeting, which means they also address for questions so I can focus on my other roles. But from the review, it sounds that no greeting was extended, and I was seen in/out of the office, also didn’t extend greeting. That would have been normal; I don’t stop and say hello to every customer when focused on other tasks. It was a total Martha-Mary breakdown.

   …until last week, when I was called “one of the worst” of small business owners and in customer service. When I contacted the fellow, I learned I was just thrown in due to experiences with others at my shop.

   You see: My shop, my reputation.

   I’ve seen Mary give short, snappy replies. I’ve seen Mary neglect customers in the shop. I’ve witnessed Mary giving a loud, curt response. I encourage using a voice that sounds like a kind, extended hand rather than a rough Brill-O pad. Mary gives an inconvenienced look. Mary gives an eye roll. When Mary acts like this she is damaging my store’s reputation, my reputation. But Mary doesn’t care. She’ll do whatever the fuck she wants. I have no control over the Mary. The only control I have over the Mary is when I’m playing Mary. But I’ve got so much on my plate, I’m really the Martha.

   The reviews are personal. I take them personally.

   Maybe my friends are right. I shouldn’t read the reviews. I have talked to my partner, my staff, over and over again about the complaints. And the complaints against our customer service, nearly always the same. Not something to capitalize on. Not something to strive toward being: “Curt, abrupt, Beer Nazi, doesn’t care about me.”

   Meanwhile Martha is here, working her ass off trying to keep things going. Martha strives to do right for the entire party, she finds herself breaking down, exhausted and in tears as her work is undone in a second by a grumpy Mary. Martha can’t be both Martha and Mary; there’s simply not enough time in a day. How can I get them all to be more like the Mary in the bible story? Attentive, kind, caring, showing interest.

   I never expected this Yin-Yang part of retail.

   I find it exhausting, frustrating.

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